Happy Holidays From the Misfits
by CallistoLexx
Summary: An 8-chapter story detailing the Holiday Spirit, Joy, and Wishes of the Misfits.
1. Chapter 1: Carly's Christmas Wish

**Let's see, what's the rundown? I don't own _X-Men: Evolution_ or _G.I. Joe_. They belong to Marvel and other people who aren't me. I don't own Althea, Xi, or the Concept of the Misfits either. They belong to the wonderful Red Witch. I do own the insane little monkeys (Carly, Adam, and Roxie) and if you want to use them (not sure why you'd want to, but anyway) go right ahead. I also don't own any of the songs contained in this story. They can all be found on two different CDs. _Dr. Demento Presents the Greatest Christmas Novelty CD of All Time_ and _Holidays in Dementia_ (also put out by Dr. Demento.)**

**I was going to start this 8-chapter story off with Althea's tale, but it just seemed appropriate to start it off with the chapter idea that started it all. Besides, Althea's chapter is funnier because of a line in this chapter, so switching the order of the two turned out to be a smart thing to do.**

**Also, these chapters don't really go by any time order (i.e. certain days), they all just take place over the entire Holiday season. You can imagine any date you want for them to take place. The song contained in this chapter is "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by Gayla Peevey.**

**P.S. Rhyming dictionaries are wonderful, wonderful things.**

**Happy Holidays From the Misfits**

**Chapter 1: Carly's Christmas Wish**

"It's your first Christmas as a dad," Roadblock observed with a smile as Beach Head passed him. "Don't the holidays make you glad?" 

Beach Head gave the other man's obvious cheer a baleful look. "That girl is insane. There isn't a surface of our place that isn't decorated with lights or something sparkly. She's going overboard." 

"This Christmas together is your first," Roadblock reiterated. "Multiple decorations are hardly the worst." 

"So you say. It looks like Liberace, Siegfried, and Roy all got together for a party and puked all over my apartment. It's almost scary!" was the grumbled reply. 

At just that moment a large lighted and tinseled team of wire reindeer on wheels passed by the two men, dragging behind them a matching sleigh with an inflatable Homer Simpson in full Santa garb. "You did explain to her some of the traditions of the Pit, didn't you? We wouldn't want her to end up scarred." 

"More or less," Beach Head replied as he watched the wire display roll past. "Though seeing the things this base does during the holiday season, it's likely she'll join in and amp them up a bit. I wonder how much longer the reindeer are going to remain their original colors. Knowing her she'll turn them all purple or blue. Or maybe even covered with black lights." The last was said mostly just thinking out loud. He turned back to Roadblock. "I explained a few of the traditions, including General Hawk's dressing up as Santa for the kids." 

The bald man smiled. "Have you begun your Christmas shopping for her yet?" 

"No. I have no idea what she wants. Why do you have to get people presents?" 

"Because, if the kids are telling the truth, she already has all her Christmas shopping done. You and Sgt. Snuffles are getting more than one." 

"She got one for Sgt. Snuffles?" 

"She did, yes," Roadblock answered with a smile. "You have to get her some now, I guess." 

"You're enjoying all this, aren't you? The fact that I don't know what to do." 

"Just ask her what she wants, you big baby, it's not that hard." 

Once the words were out of Roadblock's mouth, Carly conveniently ran up to them with a huge smile. 

"I came to tell you what I want for Christmas," she told them. 

"And what is it you want?" Beach Head asked. Truth be told, he was a little apprehensive about whatever it was she'd want. 

"I'll tell you. Hit it, Sam," she said and was met with silence. "That's right, we don't have a piano player." 

"Carly!" The ranger turned an exasperated look to their friend. "Roadblock! That ain't funny!" 

"Please, Carly, do go on," Roadblock said, stifling his laughter. 

Carly nodded with a big grin. And when she opened her mouth they understood just why it was she needed a piano player nearby. Her Christmas list was in the form of a song. 

_"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do. Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy, I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy."_

"A hippopotamus?" Beach Head questioned, astounded. Out of all the things he'd expected her to list, that wasn't even in the ballpark. 

_"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, I don't think Gen'ral Hawk will mind, do you? He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue, just bring him through the front door, that's the easy thing to do!"_

"Roadblock! Stop laughing this instant!" Beach Head ordered. "You wouldn't find this so funny if it was one of your kids requesting this! 

_"I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs. Oh what joy and what surprise, when I open up my eyes, to see a hippo hero standing there."_

"Just when I thought everyone couldn't get any more insane," the Ranger was grumbling, his glance switching between the singing girl and the army officer who was laughing so hard he was rolling on the ground. 

_"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses, I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too!"_

"Carly? How in the world am I supposed to get a hippo!?" 

_"Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then Jaye says a hippo is a vegetarian."_

"At least your ditzy mother is right in not wanting you to get one," Beach Head grumbled with a roll of his eyes. "And, if you get one, just where are you going to put it? There's no room in our apartment." 

_"There's lots of room for him in the Pit's garage. I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage."_

"Massage? You'd give it a massage? Darn it, Roadblock! STOP LAUGHING!" 

_"I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs. Oh what joy and what surprise, when I open up my eyes, to see a hippo hero standing there."_

"This can't be my life. It just can't be my life." 

_"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses. I only like hippopotamuseses. And hippopotamuses like me too!"_

"That was very nice," Beach Head said in a placating manor. "I'll tell you what. I'll think about it." 

Carly frowned momentarily, but quickly covered it up with a smile. "Thank you." 

As she walked away, the two army officers could hear her grumbling. "I bet my chances of getting a hippopotamus would be greater if we had a piano player!" 


	2. Chapter 2: Althea's Christmas Nightmare

**Chapter 2: Althea's Christmas Nightmare**

Althea lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. "Why did I agree to filming 'Santa' coming for my insane sisters?" she sighed. 

She didn't know how it had happened, but it had. She had agreed to videotape Santa's visit, supposedly so the Triplets could validate one way or the other his existence. 

She had been able to contract help for her little mission. Now she was just waiting for the time they had agreed upon. 

She heard a strange sound from the living room and figured that her accomplice was a little early, so she grabbed the video camera and snuck down the stairs. And into something that would haunt her for the rest of her life. 

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"What's wrong, Cuddlebumps?" Todd asked, giving his girlfriend a concerned look. "Didn't you sleep well?" 

The two, along with most of the other members of the Misfits were sitting on the front steps of the Misfit home. 

"NoI didn't. And I never will again," Althea told him honestly. "Last night was justugh. Every time I close my eyes I still see it!" 

"What do you see?" Lance asked warily, not sure if he really wanted to know. 

_"I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night. He didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep. He thought that I was upstairs in my bedroom fast asleep."_

"He was kissing Santa?!" Adam asked incredulously before laughing at the thought. 

"Is he allowed to do that?" Xi asked. 

_"Then I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white. There must be some mistake; was I really awake? I rubbed my eyes and moved in close, a better look to take."_

"Is he allowed to do that?" Xi asked again. 

"Why did you move closer?" Wanda asked. 

_"Then I saw Daddy hugging Santa Claus. He took his hand and pulled him to the couch. It must have been just fine; Santa didn't mean to mind. Then Daddy moved across the room to pour them both some wine."_

"Is Santa allowed to drink on the job?" Xi questioned. 

"I'd hate to see the kind of drunk driving accident that would involve a sleigh and reindeer," Todd laughed. 

_"Then I saw Daddy fondle Santa Claus, and on his ear he nibbled now and then. I crawled across the floor, I hid behind the door, I left it open just a crack so I could see some more."_

"Is he allowed to do that?" Xi asked yet again. 

"Now that is just disturbing. I'm not going to be able to sleep just from hearing this! I can't imagine actually seeing it," Lance groaned. 

"None of us will," Wanda replied with a grimace. 

_"Then I saw Daddy undress Santa Claus. They quickly threw their clothes on our big chair. Well, much to my surprise, I couldn't believe my eyes! It wasn't Hawk after all but Roxie in disguise."_

"I guess they're allowed to do that," Xi commented. 

"That makes it less disturb-waitew! No wonder you'll never be able to sleep again. You saw your father getting his freak on!" Todd exclaimed. 

_"When I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath to mistletoe last night. Oh what a horror it would have been, if I had really seen, Daddy kissing Santa Claus last night!!!"_

"Psyche Out is on speed dial," Todd said helpfully. 

"Let's go give him a call," Lance prodded. 

"If now isn't a time for an emergency session, I don't know when is," Wanda agreed. 

**The song? That's right, I didn't name it, did I? It was "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" by Kip Addotta.**


	3. Chapter 3: Adam's Chat with Santa

**The song contained in this chapter is "The Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud.**

**Chapter 3: Adam's Chat with Santa**

"I'm telling you guys, this is a mistake," Carly hissed to Roadblock, Cover Girl, Low Light, and Shipwreck. 

The four adults had decided to take the Triplets and the Babies to visit Santa at the nearby mall. Adam had immediately begged to come along. Then Carly had joined them on their excursion, all the time calling the trip a mistake. 

"Then why did you come?" Low Light grumbled at the same time as Cover Girl asked, "Why is it a mistake?" 

"Because I want to see the looks on your faces," she answered, looking at Low Light. She then turned her gaze to Cover Girl. "You'll see. Adam's up next." 

"What does he do? Bite the jolly old man?" Shipwreck laughed. 

"You'll see. He'll do the same thing he always does when he goes to see Santa." 

When it was finally his turn, Adam walked up to Santa and sat on his lap, a large smile on his face. He was holding a sheet of paper. "It's my Christmas letter to you," he explained. "I was going to mail it to you, but then I learned that we were coming to see you today so I thought I'd tell it to you in person." 

Carly gave the adults an amused, almost mischievous smile as Adam began to read the letter. 

"'Dear Santa Claus,'" he said clearly and politely, "'Cover Girl and Shipwreck said that if I was very good I could have whatever I wanted for Christmas. Well, I would like a dolly for Christmas. It is a very special dolly. I saw it advertised on television. In case you don't know which dolly I mean, I will try to describe it to you.'" 

"Here's where it gets weird," Carly whispered. 

"You mean it hasn't already?" Shipwreck asked, wondering why Adam would want a doll. 

And it did get even weirder as Adam began to sing his Christmas list. 

_"The pretty little dolly can sit. The pretty little dolly can stand. She will even walk around the room if you take her hand."_

"How is that different from any other dolls on the planet?" Shipwreck mumbled quietly. 

_"The pretty little dolly can turn. The pretty little dolly can dance. If you feed her water through a tube she'll wet her pants."_

"Again, a lot like many dolls on the market nowadays," Cover Girl said. 

_"Close to fires she perspires. If you give her a playful squeeze, she will cough and belch and sneeze."_

"Now I'm beginning to see the mistake," Roadblock said quietly. 

"This isn't even close to being the mistake," Carly whispered back. 

_"Oh the pretty little dolly's so cute. The pretty little dolly's so real. If you take her out into the sun she burns and three days later she'll peel."_

"Could that Santa looked any more freaked out right now?" Low Light asked. 

"Just wait for it," Carly replied. 

_"The pretty little dolly can sing. The pretty little dolly can shout. Hold her footsies high above her head and she passes out."_

"It can become more of a mistake than this?" Shipwreck asked, stunned. 

_"The pretty little dolly can plead. The pretty little dolly can beg. And she screams in realistic pain if you break her leg."_

"There's no way a doll like this exists," Cover Girl whispered. 

"Remind me to keep him away from Claudius and Barney," Shipwreck frowned. 

_"Heavy drinking gets her stinking. On her back you can turn a key and she goes through puberty."_

"We need to have a chat with Psyche Out and get this kid some medication," Roadblock told the others. 

_"The pretty little dolly can laugh. The pretty little dolly can cry. If you wrap a plastic bag around her head she'll choke, turn purple, and die!"_

"Yep, I'm definitely never leaving the babies in his care ever, ever again," Shipwreck moaned. 

"It can only get better from here," Cover Girl said hopefully. 

_"Oh Santa, remember your part. Don't break a little boy's heart. Don't forget this Christmas the pretty little dolly is the present you must leave."_

"See, it's getting better," Cover Girl smiled. 

"Wait for itthat all was mild compared to what's coming up." 

Adam smiled sweetly and got off Santa's lap. Then quickly grabbed the lapels of Santa's furry red jacket and him out of the chair in a threatening manor. _"Remember that fatboy, bring that kid if you want to see New Year's Eve!!"_

Carly looked at the horrified adults' faces with satisfaction. "I know you think I'm going to tell you that I told you so but I'm not going to tell you I told you so, but the truth is I told you so, but I'm not going to say that." 

The adults gave her a rueful look then turned to look at Adam, who was walking back to them with a pleasant smile on his face. 

"This was such a mistake" Roadblock groaned. 

"He's never looking after my kids again," Shipwreck moaned. 


	4. Chapter 4: Xi, Fred, and Todd's Christma...

**The song is "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy. P.S. I don't know anything about the comics or the original X-Men cartoon so please bear with me if I'm messing with things a little. But hey, that's the fan fiction writer's prerogative.**

**Chapter 4: Xi, Fred, and Todd's Christmas Present**

"What's that?" Jean asked Scott as he walked into the common area of the X-Mansion with a package wrapped in brown paper. Said package had immediately attracted the attention of all the students in the room. 

"A present, I guess," the team leader replied, eyeing the package warily. Something about it was making him nervous. "It came in today's mail." 

"Like, who is it addressed to?" Kitty asked, watching from her position on the couch. 

"The X-Men. It must be for all of us," he answered, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Well what are you waiting for?" Multiple asked eagerly. "Open it!" 

"Open what?" Ororo asked as she entered the room, the other adults close behind her. 

"A package we got in the mail," Scott replied. "It's addressed to the X-Men." 

"Who's it from?" Logan asked warily. Who would be sending the team a package? And whoever it waswas it a friend or a foe? 

"It doesn't say. The return address only says Happy Holidays," Scott said, holding the package out for the teacher to look at. 

"Why does this handwriting look familiar?" Hank questioned as he looked at the handwritten address. 

Rogue looked at and rolled her eyes. "Because it's the Toad's." 

"How can you be so sure?" 

"I lived with him for a time and we all went to school with himtrust me, that's his chicken scratch," she replied as she walked back to her chair. 

"Are we sure we want to open it?" Jean asked everyone. 

"Look at the bright side. At least he didn't deliver it in person," Kurt said. 

"That can only be because it's something we'll want to hurt him for," she pointed out. 

"But if we never open it, we'll never know. Besides, how is that different from every other day?" 

"You have a point. Let's open it," Jean decided with a sigh, passing the package to Kurt. 

"Why do I have to open it?" he asked. 

"I'll open it," Scott sighed. "But if I blow up or it's one of Toad's shaving cream bombs or dye bombs, it's on your heads." He took the brown wrapping off the box and took a deep breath before opening the lid. "It's a video tape." 

"We all know how much Todd loves making movies. He's probably found some new way to irritate us on film," Remy said. "We might as well watch it. Then we can decide on the appropriate punishment." 

Everyone took a seat as Scott popped the videocassette in the VCR and hit the play button. 

The screen turned black as the titles went by. "Christmas With the X-Men (A Tragic Comedy)" the first screen said in white writing. "Animation, direction, filming, and all other duties by Fred Dukes, Todd Tolensky, and Xi," read the next screen. 

The black screen slowly morphed into a crudely drawn cartoon and a familiar tune began to flow out of the speakers, accompanied by the three Misfits' singing voices. The cartoon depicted everything they were singing as they sang it. 

_"An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."_

"Remind me why we decided to watch this?" Jean groaned. 

_"She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog and we'd begged her, please, to go. But she'd forgot a celebration, so she stumbled out the door into the snow,"_ Todd's voice continued alone. 

"She? I thought they were going to get a dig in at me," Scott mumbled quietly. He was one of their three favorite targetswhich meant that it was a dig at either Jean or Kitty 

_"When they found her Christmas mornin' at the scene of the attack. There were hoof prints on her forehead and incriminatin' Claus marks on her back."_

The chorus began anew as the three Misfits once again sang together. _"An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."_

_"Now were all so proud of Scooter, he's been takin' this so well,"_ Xi's voice continued alone. _"See him in there watchin' football, drinkin' beer and playin' cards with Multiple."_

"It seems I spoke too soon," Scott groaned. 

_"It's not Christmas without Jeanie. Everybody's dressed in black. And we just can't help but wonder: should we open up her gifts or send them back?"_

"I'm going to kill them. I mean it, I'm going to kill them," Jean fumed." 

The chorus came again with three eager voices. _"An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."_

"Y'know, I think this is actually quite entertaining," Rogue whispered quietly to Remy, trying to hide the smile on her face. 

And now it was Fred's turn to sing. _"Now the goose is on the table and the pudding made of cheese dip. And a blue and silver candle that would just have matched the hair above her lip."_

At this quite a few of the people in the room couldn't contain their laughter and burst out with hysterical laughter. 

"This isn't funny!" Jean yelled. "Logan, Beast! Stop laughing! Please?" 

_"I've warned all my friends and neighbors, 'better watch out for yourselves.' They should never give a license, to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves."_

"That's it, I'm giving my sister a call. Her husband's Uncle Carmine will wipe the floor with those twerps!" Jean threatened with venom. "He's got guys who would be able to terrify even Magneto!" 

_"Jean got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house, Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe!"_ the trio finished with gusto as the cartoon showed its most common clip: Jean getting run over by a sleigh. 

"They're all going to die! I'll make sure of it!" Jean yelled as she stomped out of the room and up to her room to phone her sister. Everyone in the common room flinched at the loud, reverberating sound of her door slamming. 

"Scott? Shouldn't you go up there and calm her down?" Kitty asked. 

Scott gave her a dirty look. "I knew I should've tossed the thing in the mail when we got it. Why was I so stupid?" he whined quietly to himself. 


	5. Chapter 5: The Coyote's Christmas Song

**The song in this one is "I'm a Christmas Tree" by Wildman Fischer and Dr. Demento.**

**Chapter 5: The Coyote's Christmas Song**

"Happy Holidays!" 

Lance groaned and held his pillow over his head, hoping to drown out the loud voice of the bane of his existence. 

The Coyote was back. He was back and, it seemed, hopped up on eggnog. 

"I said, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" the Coyote said again, louder, as he jumped onto the irritated boy's bed. "You're supposed to say it back!" 

"Go away!" came the aggravated, whining reply. 

"No! Not until you say it back! It's the Holiday season which means you're supposed to be happy and jolly and in a good mood! You're not supposed to be rude." 

"Fine. Happy holidays. Now go away!" 

"Say it like you mean it." 

"I have half a mind..." 

"You said it, not me," the Coyote laughed. 

"...To get a lobotomy just to get rid of you," Lance finished, glaring at the figment of his imagination. 

"Who says that'd get rid of me?" 

"I wish I were dead." 

"No you don't," the Coyote said, brushing away the comment. "But I'll tell you what. You sing a little Christmas song with me and I'll let you get back to sleep." 

"I hate you." 

"I know. Will you sing with me?" 

"Will you really leave me alone?" 

"I'm a canine of my word." 

"This is so depressing," Lance grumbled to himself. "I'm about to sing a song with a figment of my imagination." 

"You'll sing with me?" the Coyote asked eagerly, sounding like a small child learning that he'd get his Christmas wish. 

"What song do you want to sing?" 

"Don't worry, you know it. Just sing along with me." The Coyote was bouncing excitedly, happy that he'd gotten his creator to sing with him. 

_"I'm a Christmas tree..."_

"I'm not singing that," Lance interrupted. "It's a stupid song which sounds right only if you're three sheets to the wind." 

"Fine. Then I'll spend all day with you singing every Christmas song ever written." 

"Oh, all right! I'll sing." 

"Good. And 1, and 2, and..." the Coyote prompted and began singing, a reluctant Lance joining him in song. 

_"I'm a Christmas tree; I'm a Christmas tree. Everybody hangs their ornaments on me. I'm a Christmas tree; I'm a Christmas tree. People throw me out on New Year's Eve!"_

"I can't believe I'm singing with my imaginary annoyance," Lance whined quietly between verses. 

_"Oh Santa Claus, Oh Santa Claus. He breaks lots of laws! He trespasses, he breaks and enters, he travels all around the world without a valid passport!"_

"I hate my life. Psych Out has to know something that could make the Coyote go away," Lance grumbled. 

"Shut up and sing," the Coyote ordered. 

_"I'm a Hanukah bush; I'm a Hanukah bush,"_ the two sang together. 

_"I've got...I mean, I'm a lot like, "_ the Coyote began the line and was joined by Lance with the rest of it, _"a Jewish Christmas tree. But I'm not!"_

"Okay, I sang. Now go away!" Lance ordered, lying back down. 

"Fine," the Coyote said grudgingly. "But do everyone a favor. Get in the holiday mood!" 

"I am in the holiday mood. At any time other than the middle of the night and especially any time other than 2 in the morning!" was the muffled reply through the pillow covering the annoyed boy's head. 


	6. Chapter 6: A Merry Christmas for Wanda

**And Wanda's song is "Nuttin' for Christmas" by Stan Freberg.**

**Chapter 6: A Merry Christmas for Wanda**

"This is false imprisonment! There is no proof that I committed any of the crimes of which I'm accused!" Pietro's loud, whining voice could be heard throughout the entire Misfit house (as well as a good portion of the surrounding area.) 

"Pietro!" Wanda yelled back from her own room. "Just shut up and take it like a man!" 

She heard her brother huff and thrown himself on his bed. He could be the biggest baby when he got grounded, as he was now. She sat down on her own bed and smiled a happy, satisfied smile. 

_"He broke Barney's bat on Freddie's head, somebody snitched on him. He hid a frog in my bed, somebody snitched on him,"_ she sang quietly, her smile getting bigger. 

_"He spilled some ink on Lance's rug, he made Adam eat a bug, hit Althea with a great big slug, somebody snitched on him."_

"What are you saying?" Pietro yelled. "Are you talking about me?" 

_"He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, Cover Girl and Roadblock are mad. He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, cause he ain't been nuttin' but bad."_

"Why won't you answer me?" Pietro whined. "You are talking about me, aren't you?" 

"Pietro! Shut up!" Lance yelled from his room. "I'm on the phone!" 

_"He put a tack on Jaye's chair, somebody snitched on him. He tied a knot in Carly's hair, somebody snitched on him."_

"Somebody talk to me! It's lonely in the joint!" 

"Knock it off already, Pietro!" Fred shouted. "No one cares!" 

_"He did a dance on the Toad's plants, climbed a tree and tore his pants, filled up Xi's room with fire ants, somebody snitched on him."_

"Roadblock? Cover Girl? Shipwreck!? I didn't do anything!" 

"What didn't you do?" Adam called back crossly. "You've been a royal pain for the past two weeks! Now do us all a favor, Mr. Whiny Pants, and shut up!" 

_"He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, Cover Girl and Roadblock are mad. He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, cause he ain't been nuttin' but bad."_ Wanda looked toward Pietro's room, where the entire house could still hear him whining. He deserved what he was getting. 

_"He won't be seeing Santa Claus, somebody snitched on him. He won't come visit him because, somebody snitched on him."_ She did have a little faith in her brother, though. _"Next year he'll be going straight, next year he'll be good, just wait, he'd start now but it's too late, somebody..."_ she trailed off as she heard footsteps coming down the hall. 

"Who's that coming down the hall with an upset look on his face? It's him; it's him! I thought he wasn't coming!" she murmured excitedly. 

"Where's all the silverware, Wanda?" Roadblock asked, a frustrated tone in his voice. 

"In Pietro's room, like I told you," she replied with a smile.   
"And the flatware?" 

"Same place as the silverware, how about my cut?" 

"The usual?" 

"Ten bucks per snitch. Join me on the chorus, okay?" 

"Why not?" 

Roadblock joined in as Wanda began the final chorus. _"He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, Cover Girl and Roadblock are mad. He's getting nuttin' for Christmas, cause he ain't been nuttin' but bad!"_


	7. Chapter 7: Pietro's Christmas Spirit

**Sorry for the delay. Christmas was more hectic than I had anticipated. The song this time is Allan Sherman's "The Twelve Gifts of Christmas."**

**Chapter 7: Pietro's Christmas Spirit**

Pietro smiled as he loaded up the babies' wagon with his Christmas presents and pulled it behind him into his room. All in all, it had been a great day. 

He turned on his computer and waited for it to boot up as he lined up his gifts. It was time to record another video message for the greatest website of all: His own. It was a website dedicated to the most perfect creation in existence: Himself. He owed it to the people, after all, to let them get as close to him as possible. And his website was just one way to do so. 

He started up his web cam program and, after making sure he looked amazing, he began recording his message. 

"Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my adoring fans. I'm sure you're all wondering what all I have gotten for the holiday and I've created a little number to tell you." 

He cued an instrumental track of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" on his CD player then smiled at the camera. 

_"On the first day of Christmas, Adam gave to me, a Japanese transistor radio."_ He held up the radio for his adoring fans to see. 

_"On the second day of Christmas, my sister gave to me, Green polka-dot pajamas. And a Japanese transistor radio."_ Again, he held up his presents. _"It's a Nakashuma,"_ he explained. 

_"On the third day of Christmas, Freddie gave to me, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man. Green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued."_ He rolled his eyes as he looked at Adam's gift. 

_"On the fourth day of Christmas, Lance gave to me, a simulated alligator wallet. A calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it, so you can listen right through the case."_ He showed the holes to the camera. 

_"On the fifth day of Christmas, the Toad gave to me, a statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be. A simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stick in your ear, and a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere, because it's bent."_ He looked at the useless earphones then tossed them aside. 

_"On the sixth day of Christmas, Althea gave to me, a hammered aluminum nutcracker. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio._

_"On the seventh day of Christmas, Carly gave to me, a pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio._

_"On the eighth day of Christmas, Xi gave to me, an indoor plastic birdbath. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio."_

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if his friends were playing some type of practical joke on him. 

_"On the ninth day of Christmas, Trinity gave to me, a pair of teakwood shower clogs. And a Japanese transistor radio._

_"On the tenth day of Christmas, the Babies gave to me, a chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter. And a Japanese transistor radio._

_"On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Adults gave to me, An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but not when you get it home. And a Japanese transistor radio."_

Now it was time for the big finish. 

_"On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange...on the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange: an automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but not when you get it home, a chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter, a pair of teakwood shower clogs, an indoor plastic birdbath, a pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it, a hammered aluminum nutcracker, a statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be, a simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio!"_ He gave a suave grin to the camera. "Merry Christmas everybody!" He leaned in to kiss the camera. 

"That kid needs a different hobby," Low Light grumbled as he backed out of the room. "He gets creepier every day." 


	8. Chapter 8: Shipwreck's Christmas Party

**This final chapter is dedicated to the wonderful Red Witch, not only because it was already planned but also because she requested it. An now, I give to everyone: The Bob & Tom Band's "It's Christmas and I Wonder Where I Am."**

**Chapter 8: Shipwreck's Christmas Party**

"C'mon, Shipwreck," B.A. said as he tried to get the drunk man into the back of his jeep. "I'll take you home." 

"Merry Christmas!" Shipwreck slurred loudly, a goofy grin on his face. "Do you want to know what I did tonight?" 

"I already know what you did tonight," the cook laughed. "You got drunk. Now get into the jeep." 

_"At the General's Christmas Party, I started off with a Baccardi. I didn't get sauced, but right now I'm lost! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am,"_ the drunken man sang, informing his unwilling listener of his evening. 

"You aren't lost. You're at the Pit behind the mess hall." 

_"I had a beer at Low Light's, had eggnog at Airtight's. Then two bottles of wine, which automobile is mine? It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."_

"You still aren't lost," B.A. groaned. 

_"Someone caught me dancing with a snowman. A policeman came and put me in his car. He said, 'Are you drunk?' and I said, 'No Man, but could you drop me off at the next bar?'"_

"Why am I not surprised that you got picked up by the cops?" 

_"I guess my kids must be missing. Who's this dog that I'm kissing? They say his name's Spot and he likes me a lot! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."_

"You lost your kids? You definitely won't be winning father of the year." 

_"I was looking for a lady I could dance with so I stood beneath the mistletoes. Someone said, 'You'll have a better chance if you take the lampshade off and put back on your clothes'_

_"A lampshade, isn't that the best? Time to be going. I'm naked! Is it still snowing?"_

"I wish you had put your clothes back on, you drunken nut. And it would serve you right if it did start snowing!" 

_"It's time I should leave, I'll be back New Year's Eve! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am. It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."_

"Still at the Pit and still behind the Mess Hall. If you'd just get into the jeep, I'd take you home." 

_"Have you seen my hat? I wouldn't want to freeze. What a party! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am. Don't you wish you were me?"_ Shipwreck finished the song before falling over backward, passed out. 

"No I don't," B.A. replied with a shake of his head. He turned and walked back into the mess hall and to the phone. "Althea will know what to do with you. And I don't think it will be pleasant..." 

**The End**


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